7-24. The Dogs of War.

Kira, Damar, and Garak watch helplessly as their rebellion dies.

THE PLOT

Kira has rejoined Damar and Garak in time for a rendezvous with resistance fighters on Cardassia Prime. But the meeting is a trap, and the three find themselves beaming down just in time to witness Cardassians being massacred by Jem'Hadar forces. They manage to escape notice, and hide with Mila (Julianna McCarthy), the one-time housekeeper of Garak's Obsidian Order mentor. But trapped on a hostile world, they are helpless to act as they witness broadcasts of the destruction of Damar's entire rebellion.

Back on Deep Space 9, Quark receives a transmission from Zek. The old man has finally decided to step down as Grand Nagus. The communication is filled with static, but one message comes through loud and clear. Zek has settled on his successor - Quark!


CHARACTERS

Capt. Sisko: Near the end of the episode, Kasidy informs him that she's pregnant. Avery Brooks is wonderful here, shifting through a series of emotions ranging from worry to joy to embarrassment at having forgotten his "injection." As he reassures Kasidy, we can almost see him mentally picturing his future family, much as he painstakingly planned out his future house in Penumbra. Though joy seems to win out with Ben in the scene, I suspect the Prophets' warning is about to hit him hard.

Col. Kira: Another strong performance by Nana Visitor, who conveys Kira's terror of being captured by Cardassians during the opening ambush. There's a note of panic in her voice as she insists they have to get away, which fits perfectly with her background - Kira has seen firsthand what it is to be a prisoner of the Cardassians. Even when they are in hiding, her main thought is to escape from Cardassia, with Garak having to talk reason to her.

Quark: "I won't preside over the demise of Ferengi civilisation, not me! The line has to be drawn here. This far and no further!" Quark stands up for traditional Ferengi values - greed and exploitation - using the same words Picard used to rail against the Borg in First Contact. An inside joke for Trek fans, but it works because it fits perfectly with Quark's character. He has defended Ferengi society throughout the series, from his insistence to Sisko that Ferengi are nothing like humans - "We're better!" - to his disgust at his mother's wearing clothes and running businesses. He's on the wrong side... But there's a certain cockeyed dignity to his final, anti-heroic stand against progress.

Damar: This dour man was always an unlikely choice as a folk hero, and even he seems disconcerted at the divide between who he actually is and the legend building up around his name. Ultimately, the thirst he sees in his own people is what drives him to take up the ill-fitting mantle of rebel leader... And speaking of stirring speeches, Damar's heroic end speech is all the better for the sense that he'd rather not be the one giving it. He would rather be helping the resistance instead of leading it (Being Dukat's second-in-command was almost certainly his happiest time)... But there's no one else, and so he has to act to save his society from its demise.

Odo: In only one scene - But it's a good one, as he expresses his outrage at the Federation's tolerance of Section 31's actions in creating the Changeling disease. He acidly observes that Starfleet publicly deplores such tactics, but is happy enough to reap the benefits. He does promise Sisko that he won't reveal the cure to the Founders of his own accord. Still, the scene - which doesn't connect to any of this episode's story strands - is fairly obviously setting up his role in the finale.

Brunt: The final appearance of Liquidator Brunt (I'm going out on a limb and guessing he won't be featured in the finale). He spends most of the episode shamelessly brown-nosing presumed future Nagus Quark. He doesn't even pretend to deny it: "It's never too early to suck up to the boss." He's also the one who clues Quark into the reforms that have taken place on Ferenginar, including "wage benefits for the poor, retirement benefits for the aged, health care," and - most shocking of all - "the T word... taxes!" Jeffrey Combs is a delight as always, and it's a rare pleasure to get to see him play both of his recurring roles in the same episode (though, regretfully, the series appears set to end without ever putting Weyoun and Brunt in the same scene at the same time).


THOUGHTS

The Dogs of War is Avery Brooks' final episode as director, and it's a consequential one. The "A" plot, following Kira and Garak as they nudge Damar into a new kind of resistance, is terrific. The script, by Rene Echevarria and Ronald D. Moore, carries all the strengths of both writers, with sharp characterizations fusing with good dialogue and meaningful plot turns. We see the trio move from shock, to despair, to finally fighting back, and everything the characters do arises naturally from who they are. Brooks' greatest strength as a director has always been his ability to work with actors, and he gets great work from all of the cast.

That last is true of the "B" plot as well - Heck, even Ishka and Zek aren't annoying (in part thanks to being used sparingly). As someone who has often criticized the Ferengi episodes, I will admit to finding some enjoyment. The script offers some genuinely funny moments and even allows Quark a perverse dignity in his defiant stand for unbridled greed. There's just one problem: It belongs in a different episode!

There is a decent attempt to draw a parallel between Damar and Quark, two men standing defiant against changes that they see destroying their respective societies. But even so, the Cardassia plot and the Ferengi plot don't truly fit in the same show. And with the Ferengi plot occupying most of the screen time in the middle, it throws off the sense of jeopardy that should pervade Kira and Damar's story. I've said this about other episodes in the final ten, but I strongly feel that these two stories should have been seprated out into their own episodes.

The addition of a "C" plot, apparently to clear the decks of the Bashir/Ezri romance subplot, further interferes with momentum. Also, by cutting between two main plots and one subplot, the episode can't help but feel a bit choppy.

Still, most of the individual parts are good, with the Cardassia plot particularly strong, and the episode ends leaving the pieces in place for the final conflict. This leaves it as an overall good episode - Even if it is a bit too "busy" to be as good as it should be.


Overall Rating: 7/10.

Previous Episode: Extreme Measures
Next Episode: What You Leave Behind

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6-23. Profit and Lace.

Quark as a Ferengi female. Some things you just can't unsee.

THE PLOT

Quark is surprised at the arrival to the station of his mother, Ishka (Cecily Adams) and the Grand Nagus, Zek (Wallace Shawn). He's even more surprised when they tell him Zek has been deposed. At Ishka's prodding, he decided to revoke the Ferengi ban on women wearing clothing, thus allowing them full access to Ferengi society. The response was panic throughout the Ferengi Alliance, which has turned for deliverance to Zek's rival, the loathsome Brunt (Jeffrey Combs).

Zek and Ishka have a plan. They will contact every member of the Ferengi Commerce Authority, counting on gratitude for past aid to make them throw their support behind Zek. There's only one flaw: Ferengi society isn't built around gratitude, and most of the dignitaries hang up as soon as Zek's name is mentioned.

One influential member does agree to come meet with them, however: Nilva (Henry Gibson), founder of Sluggo Cola. His voice and profit margin are such that his support alone will be enough to return Zek to the throne. They are certain that a meeting with Ishka will convince Nilva of the wisdom of letting females into society. But before Nilva can arrive, Ishka gets into an argument with Quark - which ends in a heart attack, leaving her alive but in no fit state to meet anyone.

Which leads them to Plan B: If they don't have a brilliant Ferengi female to meet with Nilva, they will make one... Out of Quark!


CHARACTERS

Capt. Sisko: Just one episode ago, we saw Sisko trying to enlist Zek's help against the Dominion, yet here he doesn't even appear to notice that both Zek and his rival have arrived on the station. One can imagine an alternative, smarter version of the episode in which Sisko makes the pragmatic choice to try to win the support of Brunt, the apparent new Nagus, forced to ally with this loathsome toad in his scheming against Quark and Zek - Sort of a comedy counterpoint to In the Pale Moonlight. As it stands, Sisko is limited to a single scene in which he does nothing of interest.

Quark: As with all Quark-centric episodes, Armin Shimerman's performance is the greatest asset. The moment in which he stands up to the gloating Brunt, kicking him out of his bar with the only effective repetition of the episode's "acting Nagus" gag, sees him genuinely heroic... Just before he disappears into his quarters to lie in the fetal position. He trades venomous barbs with his mother, whose feminism he blames for Zek's downfall and his likely impending ruin - but when she collapses under the weight of his anger, he is horrified (though equally eager to hide his own culpability).

Brunt: Jeffrey Combs is deliciously malignant as Brunt, and one of the few genuinely good things about Profit and Lace is that it returns Brunt to his former status as a proper adversary. Watching Brunt swan around with the Nagus' stick in hand, gloating to his enemies as he plots their future ruin, it's obvious that the worst possible man has been put in charge of Ferengi society.

Grand Nagus: At least Zek isn't quite as pathetic here as he was in Ferengi Love Songs. Ishka may be the centerpiece of the plot to restore his position, but he's an active part of the plotting and scheming, rather than just a muddle-brained figurehead. I could have lived without the scenes of him leering at Leeta and, later, at Quark-as-a-woman, and anything that ever worked about this character has long since drained away... But he's easier to take here than in his last appearance.


THOUGHTS

As can probably be seen by this point, I do not in any way agree that Profit and Lace is the "worst episode ever" of Deep Space 9. It's not good, and more gags miss than hit. But it does offer a couple good performances, particularly by Shimerman and Combs, and at least reps an improvement over the previous Zek/Ishka horror, Ferengi Love Songs.

If that doesn't sound like a ringing endorsement... Well, it isn't. But I've only liked a couple of episodes featuring Zek, and I haven't like any in which Ishka had more than a cameo. So when I say I found this episode to be reasonably watchable... Well, let's say that was enough in itself to exceed my expectations.

The show does open on a particularly bad note. The teaser sees Quark sexually harass a pretty young employee, threatening to fire her if she does not perform Oo-Moxx on him. The scene has nothing to do with the plot, its only payoff an extremely feeble joke at the very end. It's there only to make Quark unlikable enough so that we'll want to see him humiliated - And since this isn't Quark's normal behavior, it feels as wrong for the character as it is uncomfortable to watch.

That scene aside, the first half is passable. The scene in which Quark, Rom, and Nog try to get members of the Ferengi Commerce Authority to come to the station, only to have every contact insult them and hang up, is briskly-edited and quite amusing. Brunt is presented at his most obnoxious, putting us firmly on Zek's side by default, and each scene manages to stack the odds just a little bit higher against Quark & company.

The second half is genuinely awful. I'm not sure there was much comic mileage out of "Quark in a dress" to start with, and there's not one fresh or original moment. Between Zek hitting on Quark and Nilva chasing Quark around a table in a way that was tired in silent comedies, it becomes borderline embarrassing.

So, yes: I'm definitely giving Profit and Lace a below average rating. Still, given its extraordinarily poor reputation, I was pleasantly surprised to find it watchable. As an hour of Deep Space 9, it's mediocre at best - and "mediocre" is generous. But it isn't torture to watch, and it is very far from the series' worst.


Overall Rating: 3/10.

Previous Episode: Valiant
Next Episode: Time's Orphan

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6-10. The Magnificent Ferengi.

Quark takes on the Dominion. Or as Rom puts it: "We'll all die!"

THE PLOT

Quark receives a message from the Grand Nagus: His mother, Ishka (Cecily Adams), has been captured by the Dominion. As if that wasn't bad enough, the Nagus has given Quark a directive - To personally rescue her.

Rom sensibly recommends they hire Naussican mercenaries to take on the task. But Quark is feeling slighted. The deeds of Starfleet officers get all the attention, while Quark's efforts on the station's behalf are all but ignored. That stokes his Ferengi pride, and he declares a course that strikes Rom as suicidal: To mount an all-Ferengi rescue mission.

Starfleet-trained Nog makes a valiant effort to make commandos out of a band of Ferengi outcasts, but it's clear that this group will never be able to get through Jem'Hadar soldiers. That's when Quark realizes that they must play to the strengths of the Ferengi. He needs to forget a military assault, and instead open a negotiation, using one of the few bargaining chips the station has to offer: The cowardly but slippery Keevan (Christopher Shea), the Vorta captured by Sisko months earlier.

Keevan is less than thrilled about being traded back to the Dominion. Vorta are supposed to commit suicide rather than allowing themselves to be taken prisoner - Meaning that the only welcome he can expect is a long and agonizing death...


CHARACTERS

Capt. Sisko: After Kira directly voices her support for Quark, Sisko grants permission for the Ferengi to use Keevan as a bargaining chip. Both Kira's recommendation and Sisko's agreement to give up a valuable prisoner demonstrate just how much their view of Quark has changed in light of his actions during the recent occupation.

Quark: Has always had an enormous sense of pride in being a Ferengi, which makes it believable that he wants to show that his people are capable of acts of heroism. Whatever else Quark may be, he is a natural leader. He doesn't come up with the specific ideas for the rescue. It is Rom who recognizes that they need to act like Ferengi to succeed, and it is Nog who comes up with the idea of fooling Yelgren (Iggy Pop), the Vorta in charge of trading Ishka for Keevan. But Quark is the one who keeps the group moving forward at every turn, and is the one who deals directly with Yelgren. He is the definite leader of this band of miscreants, and fully deserves it when his mother and brother express pride in him at the end.

Rom: Continues to follow his brother's lead, almost by default. He is able to steer Quark in the right direction - encouraging him to barter with the Dominion rather than try to fight, for example. But for the most part, he is there to support Quark in gathering his Magnificent Ferengi and in completing the mission. Rom can't lie to save his life, though, and almost destroys the entire exchange by letting slip that the reward promised by the Nagus is much larger than Quark is letting on.

Nog: Continually tries to execute the mission in the manner of a Starfleet military operation. He barks out orders, much to the scorn of the other Ferengi, and is taken aback when Quark gets his band to move "on the double" by promising latinum. Rom expresses pride in him, exclaiming, "My son, the soldier!" Quark is simply disgusted: "They've ruined him."

Brunt: No longer Liquidator, in the wake of his failed attempt to unseat the Grand Nagus, Brunt is now powerless enough to actually turn to Quark. Not surprisingly, Quark's first inclination is to tell his one-time nemesis where to shove it, but Brunt has something the rest of them do not: A ship. It's thin justification for adding Brunt to the mix; I find it hard to believe Quark couldn't lay his hands on a ship on very short notice, and he certainly could do so once Sisko gave the mission his blessing. But Jeffrey Combs is so much fun, I can't regret it. I'm just sorry that Weyoun couldn't have been in the episode as well, so that we could have had a double-dose of his two great DS9 villains.

Keevan: The memorably despicable Vorta from Rocks and Shoals reappears here. He's still driven by a desire to save his own skin, which now means resisting the attempts to trade him back to the Dominion. He tries to talk the Ferengi out of completing the trade, noting that Yelgren will certainly kill them all either before or after the hostage exchange. When that doesn't work, he attempts to flee - an attempt thwarted only by Quark's foresight in having Rom disengage key ship functions. Keevan's final words of the episode are a perfectly disgusted and, in context, hilarious sigh of: "I hate Ferengi!"


THOUGHTS

Readers of my reviews know that I have a rocky relationship with Ferengi episodes. I've enjoyed some individual pieces, such as Prophet Motive and Bar Association, but have found many others (such as anything involving Quark's mother) to be tedious and unfunny.

Even so, I found myself looking forward to The Magnificent Ferengi. It's an episode with a good reputation, scripted by the reliable Ira Steven Behr and Hans Beimler. Besides, the notion of almost all of the series' recurring Ferengi banding together for a mission against the Dominion is irresistible.

Fortunately, the episode easily lives up to its reputation. It is fast-paced, clever, and very funny. While the recurring Ferengi supporting characters only get enough time to establish themselves as "types," each does get a chance to amuse. I particularly enjoyed Leck (Hamilton Camp), a Ferengi psycopath who acts as an "Eliminator," who appalls Quark and Rom - not because he kills, but because he cares more for the challenge of the kill than for the money he is paid to do it. Brunt and Gaila (Josh Pais), Quark's gunrunning cousin, return, and both have suffered for their past encounters with Quark in ways that make them fit into this episode, but that are also entirely consistent with where we last saw them. Rom and Nog both get plenty of fun moments, while Quark makes as engaging an anti-hero as ever.

The snappy pace is a big key to this show's success. Unlike Ferengi Love Songs or Family Business, this script zips along, piling one complication on top of another. There's a constant forward momentum, with no wasted scenes and no chance for the action to drag. The gags are worked seamlessly into a tight, expertly-structured narrative; and while some have found the final gag involving Keevan and a bulkhead to be in bad taste, I have to admit to laughing uproariously at this final indignity visited on a man who is, after all, one of the most despicable recurring characters in Trek history.

I could carp about Iggy Pop's casting, as he gives one of the weakest performances on this show in recent memory... but even there, his low voice and bemused attitude somehow "fit." And what can be said against an episode where even Ishka didn't annoy me?

All in all, while this doesn't quite live up to the greatest Quark episodes, such as The House of Quark and Little Green Men, this episode remains a sprightly delight. Highly recommended.


Overall Rating: 8/10.

Previous Episode: Statistical Probabilities
Next Episode: Waltz

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5-20. Ferengi Love Songs.

Quark's mother, in love with the Grand Nagus.

THE PLOT

With his bar closed due to a vole infestation, Quark falls into a deep depression. At Rom's urging, he returns home to Ferenginar, much to the dismay of his mother, Ishka (Cecily Adams, taking over for Andrea Martin). He has barely arrived before he discovers someone lurking in his closet: Grand Naguz Zek (Wallace Shawn), who is in a secret relationship with Ishka.

Quark senses an opportunity to use the relationship to have his FCA license restored. When the Nagus refuses, however, Quark falls under the venomous sway of Liquidator Brunt (Jeffrey Combs). Brunt promises to issue a new business license if Quark sabotages the relationship between Zek and Ishka. It's a despicable act, one Quark is all too happy to commit - until he realizes that Zek is slipping into senility, and that it is actually his mother's advice that is enabling the Nagus to hold the Ferengi government together.

Meanwhile, Rom and Leeta announce their marriage. Rom agrees to a traditional Bajoran ceremony. But when some ill-advised words from Chief O'Brien lead him to think that Leeta should agree to some Ferengi marital traditions as well, he picks the wrong one: a prenuptial agreement that would deny her the right to hold any property whatever. When Rom insists, Leeta announces that the wedding is off!


CHARACTERS

Capt. Sisko: Just to add insult to the injury that is this terrible episode, we get a quick aside in which Sisko is mediating between Worf and Odo. The issue at hand involves Klingon General Martok's difficulties adjusting to life on Deep Space 9. It's a fun little scene, well-performed by all three - and enormously frustrating, because that would have been a much better plot than either of the ones actually follows.

Quark: We discover here that he's actually miserable in the wake of the FCA blacklisting and hates his life... Which would ring far truer if he hadn't seemed emotionally fine in every other episode this season. Quark is horrified to admit that he has any sort of conscience, despite many previous episode showing him doing decent things in full awareness of what he's doing. But then, this isn't the real Quark, this isn't the Quark who stood up to Sisko for his people being better than humans or the Quark who wrestled with a hard-fought internal battle between profit and saving innocent lives just two episodes ago. No, this is Quark as caricature, reduced to a joke character to further some bad comedy. Armin Shimerman does his best, as always, but there's just no saving the material.

Grand Nagus: While I was never a big fan of Zek in previous episodes, there at least was a bit of an edge to him. He was genuinely shrewd and manipulative, which kept him from being an entirely "safe" comedy character. This episode reduces him to exactly that. Giving Zek Ferengi Alzheimer's isn't entirely without merit as a plot turn - but not when that concept is used solely as an excuse for "senile old man" humor, as is the case here. Making matters worse is the portrayal of the love affair between Zek and Ishka, with the two cooing at each other in a manner that's not simply undignified, but leaves both characters downright infantilized. I never looked forward to a Zek appearance before; but now, I suspect I'll be outright dreading future guest spots.


THOUGHTS

After Business As Usual followed in the footsteps of some solid Season Four offerings, showing how enjoyable a Quark-centric episode with a bit of edge and bite can be, Ferengi Love Songs helpfully reminds us just how tedious and soul-sucking a toothless Ferengi "comedy" can be. We revisit Quark's mother, last seen played by Andrea Martin in Season Three's dreary Family Business. The change of actress has not made the character any more endearing, though in fairness to actress Cecily Adams, the problem isn't her - I just find the character to be entirely grating.

The episode really is just two jokes, alternating back and forth: two old Ferengi in love (because old people in love = comedy, particularly when they act like children), and the Nagus slipping into senility (because real life senility is such comedy gold). The "B" plot is actually even worse, with Rom attempting to push Leeta into being a proper Ferengi wife... which predictable results, only to reach a predictable conclusion.

The ever-reliable Jeffrey Combs manages to inject a few chuckles into his too-brief appearances as Brunt. Even Brunt manages to be entirely neutered by this episode, though, reduced to hiding in Quark's closet while practicing his evil laugh. The end of the episode has Quark treating his threats as a joke.  What a way to treat the first and only genuinely menacing Ferengi in all of Star Trek: de-clawing him for the sake of a few cheap (and unfunny) gags.

All told, I would rank Ferengi Love Songs as the worst episode of the season. Yes, in my opinion, even worse than Let He Who Is Without Sin... I was reduced to watching this in installments, simply because I could only take ten minutes or so of it at a time, and I will be very happy to never go anywhere near this episode, ever again.


Overall Rating: 1/10.

Previous Episode: Ties of Blood and Water
Next Episode: Soldiers of the Empire

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5-18. Business as Usual.

Quark goes into business with a ruthless arms dealer (Steven Berkoff).

THE PLOT

A feldomite strike has sent Quark's investments into freefall, effectively wiping out what little he had left in the wake of the ban by the Ferengi Commerce Authority. "I'm up to my lobes in debt," he frets, with no apparent way to maneuver himself out of his predicament.

Enter Gaila (Josh Pais), Quark's cousin who tried to kill him the previous year. Gaila is here not to bury Quark, but to offer him a lifeline: A 5% cut of a string of lucrative arms dealers brokered on behalf of humans arm dealer Hagath (Steven Berkoff). "Weapons is a growth industry," Gaila tells him. "In a month, all your debts will be paid. In six months, the Ferengi Commerce Authority will be begging to reinstate you. In a year, you'll have your own moon!"

Out of desperation, Quark agrees, only to find himself in very treacherous territory. The station personnel shun him in disgust for his career switch, while it quickly becomes apparent that Hagath is not just ruthless, but downright murderous to anyone who crosses him. Quark tries to ease any pangs of conscience by clinging to the notion that he is selling defensive weapons... Until a crazed Regent (Lawrence Tierney) demands bio-weapons, wanting a final body count of about 28 million!


CHARACTERS

Capt. Sisko: Hagath's connections are such that he can't touch Quark for arms dealing, not so long as the Ferengi avoids breaking any actual station laws. But he makes it clear that this marks a firm end to his former tolerance for the Ferengi's activities. When Quark ultimately does the right thing, Sisko extends his forgiveness - but only at a rather steep price.

Quark: Quark is given everything he supposedly ever wanted. His debts are rapidly repaid, and the very deal that troubles his conscience is the one that will give him the kind of profits he's always dreamed of. All that is required is for him to be the person he's always pretended to be: A grasping, soulless being who cares for nothing but profit. Instead, he is stung at being shunned by all Federation personnel. The end of Body Parts showed that, though his own people may have cut him off, he was anything but alone. This episode dangles the prospect of ending the FCA ban - but at the cost of isolating him from people he's come to see (whether he admits it or not) as friends. Quark's final choice is predetermined; this isn't a show that's going to turn one of its regulars into a quasi-villain. But the way in which that choice is portrayed feels very true to who Quark is, which is why the episode works as well as it does.

Dax: Acts as the voice of Quark's conscience. Sisko's may be the official rejection, but Dax's disgust is the rejection he truly feels. This fits, as Dax behaved as a friend to Quark from fairly early on. When he decides he cannot live with the Regent's demands, Dax is the person he chooses to visit before he takes action.

O'Brien: In subplot land, he gets a sitcom story involving his baby's refusal to stop crying unless he's holding him every second. It's dispensable fare, but it's painless enough. The situation is one most parents in the audience will be able to relate to, as O'Brien becomes ever more desperate for his son to stop crying. The final scene of the subplot, as Worf reflects on how he never got to see his own son as a baby and how lucky he thinks O'Brien is, represents a nice character scene. Completely unrelated to the "A" plot, but easy to take in spite of that.

Villain of the Week: Steven Berkoff was a "go-to villain" of the 1980's and early '90's. His Hagath isn't at all far removed from his role as Victor Maitland in Beverly Hills Cop: a soft-spoken businessman whose reptilian presence makes him sinister even when he's behaving in a relatively friendly manner. Hagath is shrewd, knowing when to sell to both sides in a conflict, when to sell to the stronger side, and when to sell to the weaker one. He supplied arms to the Bajorans during the Occupation, choosing to make a friend of Bajor as a business calculation." I knew the Cardassians would eventually lose... They underestimated the Bajoran thirst for freedom. I didn't."


THOUGHTS

"Look out there. Millions and millions of stars, millions upon millions of worlds. And right now, half of them are fanatically dedicated to destroying the other half. Now, do you think if one of those twinkling little lights suddenly went out, anybody would notice? Suppose I offered you ten million bars of gold pressed latinum to help turn out one of those lights, would you really tell me to keep my money?"
-Gaila bluntly lays out the stakes for his cousin Quark.

When I put in a Ferengi episode, I still go in expecting a comedy. By now, I should know not to pre-judge. Last season's Bar Association and Body Parts both offered Quark-centric plots with serious underpinnings, milking decent drama out of episodes that I expected to be mediocre comedies. Business as Usual takes that further, offering an episode that is very clearly not a comedy. This episode puts Quark into a genuinely serious situation, and then cuts off all support from the remaining regulars. He is left entirely to his own devices to extricate himself, one of many excellent choices made by writers Bradley Thompson and David Weddle.

One thing I appreciate is that this entire story is a consequence of a previous story. The FCA ban levied against Quark leaves him in a desperate situation. All Ferengi are barred from doing business with him, which cuts deeply into his options. Quark can cross one of his few lines, and deal in weapons sales, or he can lose everything. Little surprise that he makes the choice he does.

I've already discussed Steven Berkoff's Hagath. The other notable guest star is Lawrence Tierney, an actor with a long history of playing crime figures. He's probably best remembered for Reservoir Dogs, though his career stretches back considerably further than that (he also previously guest starred in TNG's The Big Goodbye, playing - you guessed it - a crime boss). The Regent is a very small role, which is likely why Tierney was even up to playing it in the wake of a severe stroke. He only has one major scene. But his presence adds a sense of menace and, yes, insanity that makes Quark's decision to risk his life to sink this deal entirely believable.

Business As Usual is a good episode, one which takes a character often at the center of lighthearted shows and puts him in the middle of a genuinely clever suspense plot. For Alexander Siddig, who directed this episode under his real name (Siddig El-Fadil), it's a strong directorial debut, one which leaves me hoping we'll see more episodes helmed by him in the future.


Overall Rating: 8/10.

Previous Episode: A Simple Investigation
Next Episode: Ties of Blood and Water

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4-25. Body Parts.

Quark has a vision of the Afterlife.

THE PLOT

A trip to the Gamma Quadrant leaves Keiko injured. Dr. Bashir is able to easily stabilize her, but her fetus' lifesigns begin dropping. Bashir is left with only one option to save both mother and child, and he takes it - Transferring the baby from Keiko into Major Kira!

Meanwhile, Quark is diagnosed with Dorek Syndrome, a rare but incurable Ferengi disease. His doctor gives him less than a week to live. Faced with the prospect of paying off his considerable debt, Quark opts to sell his desicated remains on the Ferengi futures exchange. The full set is purchased, allowing him to go to his grave debt-free.

Predictably enough, it turns out Quark isn't dying after all. The entire set of events was set in motion by Quark's old adversary, Liquidator Brunt (Jeffrey Combs) of the FCA.  When Quark listed his remains on the market, Brunt was the buyer.  Now he has come to collect on his contract: "Fifty discs of vacuum-desiccated Quark available within six days." If he doesn't collect, the contract will be declared broken - leaving Brunt free to strip Quark's family of all property and status.  To save his reputation, Quark has only one choice: Kill himself!


CHARACTERS

Capt. Sisko: Another episode in which he appears only briefly. Still, his brief appearance does show his shrewdness in dealing with people, as he finds a way to help Quark in terms that translate into Quark assisting him.

Quark: His imminent death snaps into focus just how much his fellow Ferengi see him as a failure. He remains in debt, his fairly petty successes and failures never really balancing the scales. His brother formed a union, his nephew has joined Starfleet, and his own business acumen is eclipsed by that of his mother - a female, who practices business despite it being forbidden by their society. Even after he learns that he is actually healthy, he remains vulnerable to Brunt's accusations that he is too much of a "philanthropist," not true enough to Ferengi ideals.

Liquidator Brunt: Jeffrey Combs remains a malicious delight as Brunt. What makes him work so well is that Combs isn't playing him as a comedy character. Brunt is a proper villain, a genuine threat to those within the influence of Ferengi society. He is as smart as he is ruthless, using the rules of his society to crush any opposition. His dislike of Quark isn't motivated by personal vengeance - As he observes, Quark's encounters with him have been annoyances to him more than injuries. No, he is a fundamentalist with regard to Ferengi culture, and he sees Quark's flashes of decency as signs of a cancer within their society. The trap he sets for Quark is masterful, allowing Brunt victory whichever path Quark chooses: Either Quark dies, removing the cancer; or he breaks the contract, allowing Brunt to make a public example of him.

Garak: With Quark determined to honor the Rules of Acquisition, even at the cost of his own life, he has one obvious place to turn for a quick assassination: our friendly Cardassian tailor. Though his role in this episode is fairly small, Andrew Robinson deftly steals every scene in which he appears. Particularly fun is the scene in which Garak uses the holosuite to demonstrate to Quark various methods of dispatch. He becomes exasperated at Quark's squeamishness: "You don't want to be vaporized because you need a body. The disruptor ruined your clothing, the knife was too savage, the nerve gas smelled bad, hanging took too long... For a man who wants to kill himself, you are strangely determined to live!"


THOUGHTS

One of the remarkable things about Season Four is that even its Ferengi episodes have been pretty good. Little Green Men was one of Trek's more successful pure comedies, as well-crafted as TOS's The Trouble with Tribbles. Bar Association managed to take a potential "bad comedy" storyline and wring some decent drama out of it. Finally, this episode takes another potential "bad comedy" situation and uses it to move the character of Quark along from where he has been from the show's inception to a new point from which he can take any number of possible directions.

With the other Trek series, that would be a meaningless statement. After all, in TNG, Worf can sustain a major spinal injury and have that all forgotten about come the following episode. But DS9 has a pretty good track record of actually following up on events. This episode itself is a direct followup to Bar Association and Family Business. This gives me optimism that Quark's epiphany about the Rules of Acquisition and his new relationship with Ferengi society will have consequences in future seasons.

The episode itself is suprisingly good, an unpromising teaser followed by a story that gets more and more complicated as it goes. Quark is boxed in by Brunt, but also by his own values. He can survive fairly easily, but to do so he has to accept a situation that goes against everything he has believed in his entire life. His struggle to come to terms with such a choice provides a wonderful opportunity for Armin Shimerman to show his dramatic range along with his comic timing. Avery Brooks directs, and he's once again on form behind the camera, leaving memories of Season Three's Fascination mercifully far behind.

The Kira/O'Brien "B" plot is a fairly obvious case of "writing in" Nana Visitor's pregnancy. Still, it works well enough thanks to the sincerity of the three actors. Visitor, Colm Meaney, and Rosalind Chao all project a basic decency that makes them very easy to watch, even if the situation feels desperately contrived. Even so, the Quark plot was far more interesting to me than the O'Brien plot, and it's a good thing that Kira and the O'Briens take up relatively little of the episode's screentime.


Overall Rating: 7/10.

Previous Episode: The Quickening
Next Episode: Broken Link

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4-16. Bar Association.

Liquidator Brunt (Jeffrey Combs) of the Ferengi Commerce Authority.

THE PLOT

It's the Bajoran Time of Cleansing, a month-long period in which the Bajorans abstain from worldly pleasures... which puts a severe dent in the business at Quark's bar. Seeing his profit margin slipping, Quark decides to make up the difference in time-honored Ferengi fashion: By exploiting his employees. He gathers his workers and announces that he is going to cut their pay by a third, snapping at Rom when he dares to protest.

An offhand comment by Dr. Bashir leads Rom to consider a drastic means of retaliation. He holds an employee meeting and calls on them to create a union and go on strike. But Ferengi law does not smile on labor unions, and it isn't long before the dreaded Ferengi Commerce Authority turns its gaze toward this dispute. Quark's old adversary, Liquidator Brunt (Jeffrey Combs), arrives with a promise to end the strike - "by any means necessary!"


CHARACTERS

Capt. Sisko: When the strike begins to cause disruption among his officers, he sits down with Quark to push the Ferengi to settle the situation. Quark balks, so Sisko shifts gears and intimidates him instead. He threatens to hold Quark accountable for five years' worth of back rent, power, and maintenance unless the Ferengi sits down with his brother to hammer out an agreement.

Quark: The first half of the episode shows him at his most grasping, and his treatment of Rom is outright cruel. Quark never considers trying to deal with Rom's strike with violence, however. Once Brunt and the FCA become involved, Quark instantly worries about Rom. He begs Rom to give in before he gets hurt, and is clearly uncomfortable when Brunt begins musing about "sending a message." In the end, Quark is able to solve the problem he helped create by using his Ferengi ingenuity.

Worf: Continues to find life on Deep Space 9 "unsettling." When he catches a thief stealing from his quarters, he confronts Odo about the lax security on the station. Things like this, he says, never happened on the Enterprise - which hilariously prompts Odo to read from a datapad a few of the Enterprise's's highlights during the time Worf was in charge of security. Worf resolves his issues, at least for now, by moving his quarters to the Defiant. Meanwhile, his flirtation with Dax continues to grow, as the writers wisely build on the chemistry Michael Dorn and Terry Farrell have demonstrated in previous episodes.

O'Brien: Gets a terrific little scene in which he responds to Rom's plan to form a union with enthusiasm. He recalls an ancestor who led a coal miner's strike in Pennsylvania. All the workers' demands were met - but O'Brien's ancestor didn't live to see it happen. The scene is still funny, particularly Rom's reaction to hearing about the union leader's fate, but it also has a bit of added texture that the rest of the episode lacks.

Rom: Season Four has been very good to Rom. He already worked as a sparring partner for Quark, but he has steadily emerged as a strong character in his own right. The show has gradually demonstrated since Season Two how strong Rom's technical skills are, and his Season Three appearances started to show that he was a lot smarter than his brother gives him credit for. In this episode, he finally stands up to Quark and shows genuine courage and leadership skills.

Leeta: Moves from a background character to a significant supporting role, acting as Rom's second once he forms the union. She admits to being surprised by Rom's courage, but she is entirely supportive of him throughout the show. Chase Masterson is appealing, and plays so well opposite Max Grodenchik that I wouldn't mind seeing this relationship developed further.


THOUGHTS

Last week, I reviewed False Profits, a Voyager episode centered around the Ferengi. This week, I find myself reviewing a Ferengi episode of Deep Space 9 - and the difference between these stories strongly reflects the difference between these two shows. False Profits saw two Ferengi guest characters behaving like pretty typical, one-dimensional Ferengi. Some of the gags were funny, some weren't, but with everything played for laughs there was no real added dimension to carry the show through the jokes that misfired.

Bar Association seems on the surface to be a typical Ferengi comedy. Quark is at his most greedy and selfish, and even Rom initially struggles to get the word "union" past his throat even as he forms one. But there's added depth here, and that goes beyond the regulars. Quark and Rom are established characters who have depth, but even the Ferengi guest characters show more dimensions than Voyager's guest Ferengi in the other show. One of the Ferengi employees reacts to the FCA's arrival by falling to his knees and begging for mercy - but the other Ferengi do not. Meanwhile, Brunt in this episode may be the first Ferengi to actually succeed in being sinister, as he plots violence in a matter-of-fact manner, all the while keeping a crafty grin on his face. Instead of one, monolithic personality for all Ferengi, each speaking Ferengi has his own persona.

The "B" plot with Worf also works well. Writers Ira Steven Behr and Robert Hewitt Wolfe build on issues Worf has had in previous episodes, principally his problems with being constantly surrounded by disorder. When Dax tells him that he will have to adjust eventually, Worf replies with strength: "Maybe it is all of you who will have to adjust to me." Even so, Worf gets a deserved smackdown from Odo when he tries to claim that Deep Space 9's security is more lax than Enterprise's.

This wasn't an episode I was looking forward to - but all in all, it was surprisingly entertaining. As with almost any Ferengi comedy, not all of the gags work. But with the character depth and the building character relationships, there is plenty of genuine interest to keep the episode going even when a joke falls flat - and the raising of the stakes, with Brunt and his Naussicans presenting a genuine threat in the latter half, keeps momentum building instead of letting it lie flat as so many "comedy episodes" do.


Overall Rating: 7/10

Previous Episode: Sons of Mogh
Next Episode: Accession

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4-8. Little Green Men.

Roswell, New Mexico: The Martians have landed!

THE PLOT

The time has come for Nog to leave for Starfleet Academy. The young Ferengi expects to leave on a transport ship, but his uncle Quark has a surprise for him. Quark has finally received the ship that's been due to him for years, and Rom has pronounced it in perfect working order. Nog's trip to Earth will make a perfect test run - as well as giving Quark a chance to smuggle some illegal kemocite to Orion on the way back.

But the ship is a trap. They are unable to disengage the warp drive - a deliberate attempt to kill Quark and make it look like an accident. Rom is able to use the kemocite to take them out of warp. However, a miscalculation brings them to mid-20th century Earth. Roswell, New Mexico, to be precise.

Faced with a paranoid military in the midst of a Cold War with Russia, Quark can scent something in the air: The sweet smell of opportunity!


CHARACTERS

Capt. Sisko: In a nice continuity nod to the series' last time travel episode, we see Nog reading up on the Bell Riots - with Sisko pictured as Gabriel Bell. No wonder he shaved his head and grew the beard: He has to try to cover things up lest the Department of Temporal Investigations start poking into things.

Quark: Armin Shimerman is always good, even when the material isn't. Given a canny script that plays perfectly to Quark's character, Shimerman is brilliant. Quark is constantly looking for a way to turn every setback into a chance for profit. Stranded on 20th century Earth? Well, these humans are nothing like the Starfleet humans he's used to. As he says, they are venal, paranoid, and greedy - ripe for manipulation. However, he lets his greed get the better of his own judgment, ignoring the Rule of Acquisition that warns of the capriciousness of new customers. If it weren't for Odo stowing away, Quark and his fellow Ferengi would have almost certainly ende dup dead as a result of his "hard sell."

Rom: "I've always been smart, brother. I just lacked self-confidence." The development of Rom's character continues, as we see him out-swindle Quark at the start of the episode, then use his technical expertise to save them from certain death. Both for comedy effect and to keep Rom consistent with the hysterical fool of the first three seasons, he does begin crying and groveling when threatened by the military near the end. Still, I hope the series remembers and builds on Rom's newfound confidence and shrewdness. After the events of Family Business and this episode, it would be very hard to buy into a return to "Rom the Idiot."

Nog: With Quark driving the comedy and Rom tackling the Technobabble, Nog is left to play the straight man. He is the one who has to give voice to why they shouldn't tamper with history. Still, he does get a few fun Ferengi moments, particularly when he tricks pretty Nurse Garland (Megan Gallagher) into giving him oomox.

Hot 20th Century Earth Babe of the Week: Nurse Garland is your standard issue science fiction nurse. She's gorgeous, patient, starry-eyed about the idea of exploring the galaxy, and engaged to a semi-nerdy scientist. In short: a sci-fi nerd's wish fulfillment. Gallagher, a good television actress, lends a bit of humanity to the stock role, but she's really just there for eye candy and to balance out the testosterone of the otherwise all-male guest cast.


THOUGHTS

Though comedy Trek tends to be hit-and-miss at best, Season Four has been extremely serious up to this point. It really was time for a change of pace. Thankfully, Little Green Men turns out to be an unexpected gem, benefitting from a sharp script by stalwarts Ira Steven Behr and Robert Hewitt Wolfe.

One thing it gets right that so many comedy episodes get wrong: It realizes that the characters don't know they're in a comedy. Quark's huckster persona is funny, all the moreso when he's trying his angles on a 20th century general (Charles Napier). But this isn't an exaggeration of Quark - it's Quark being himself in an environment that makes that even more comical than usual. Nor is the general made out to be a complete idiot. He quickly recognizes Quark's style, comparing it to that of a "car salesman - and not a very good one."

Rom and Nog want to get home, while Quark wants to maximize the opportunities provided by their situation. All of this is perfectly in keeping with their characters, with the comedy arising naturally from the situation. Even the one big slapstick moment, with the Ferengi smacking their own heads and the humans following suit, makes sense in context. They aren't just slapping themselves to "be funny." The Ferengi are trying to get their universal translators working, while the humans are mimicking them in an attempt at communication. It works as comedy, but also as storytelling.

The script also isn't afraid to take a darker turn near the end. Quark is stabbed with needles, and he and the others are threatened with knives by a man who is obviously willing to use them. This raises the stakes, giving a genuine sense of threat - one which is turned on its head as a quick-thinking Nog uses the man's paranoia to his advantage, leading to another very funny bit of verbal comedy that, once again, also works as good storytelling.

Balancing good comedy and good science fiction is hard, as the long list of failed attempts vs. the short list of successes will attest. Little Green Men gets it just right. This is hardly the weightiest episode of Deep Space 9. But it's clever and fast-paced, and the story holds together. I found it a delight to watch.


Overall Rating: 9/10.

Previous Episode: Starship Down
Next Episode: The Sword of Kahless 

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3-23. Family Business.

Quark and his dysfunctional family.

THE PLOT

Liquidator Brunt (Jeffrey Combs) of the Ferengi Commerce Authority appears in Quark's bar and immediately posts a Writ of Accountability by the door. When a panicked Quark asks what the charges are, Brunt informs him that his mother, Ishka (Andrea Martin), has violated Ferengi law by earning a profit, something which is forbidden to women. Quark now has three days to get her to confess her crimes, or else she will be sentenced to indentured servitude and he will be responsible for making restitution.

But that's only the tip of the iceberg. As Quark looks into his mother's finances, he discovers the shocking truth: Ishka has assembled a financial empire. And if the FCA uncovers what Quark has, then he'll be broke forever!


CHARACTERS

Commander Sisko: A "B" plot sees Sisko finally meeting Kasidy Yates (Penny Johnson), the freigher pilot Jake mentioned in Explorers. The first half of the episode, we see some labored comedy scenes in which Sisko learns that Jake has told "everybody" on the station about Kasidy. But once the two characters finally do meet, they share a couple nice scenes that help keep this episode from being a total write-off.

Quark: Armin Shimerman gives a good performance, but this particular script focuses on all of Quark's worst characteristics. He is greedy and self-centered, concerned only about his mother insofar as her activities will affect him. He's rude to both mother and brother, while making a fawning display of himself around Liquidator Brunt. Where is the dignified Ferengi who stood up for his people as "better" than humans and who showed both cunning and courage before the Klingon High Council?  This version of Quark is a two-dimensional construct, a Frank Burns figure whose main purpose is to make clear that anything he stands for must be, by definition, Wrong.

Rom: Though Quark's characterization is poor, Max Grodenchik's Rom gets a rather good episode. Grodenchik is the saving grace of the "A" plot. He tries to act as the peacemaker between his mother and his brother, working to calm Quark while standing up for Quark's good qualities (unseen here). As the family conflict spins out of control, Rom finds his backbone again, the same way he did in defense of his son's ambitions to join Starfleet, and stands up to both of his family members.

Cassidy Yates: Penny Johnson's first appearance as freighter captain Kasidy Yates. Johnson, who went on to notable television success in 24, is terrific, conveying confidence and competence without ever showing that she's playing a part. She's completely naturalistic, and if anything slightly overshadows Avery Brooks in their scenes together. What we see here is pretty surface-level stuff, but I do look forward to getting to know this character better as the series progresses.


THOUGHTS

Ugh. A combination of labored sitcom material and heavy-handed drama on issues that may have been very relevant in the 1960's and '70's. After a run of pretty high quality episodes, including the previous Ferengi-centered one, Family Business lands like a lead weight.

I will give some marginal credit where it's due. Ira Steven Behr and Robert Hewitt Wolfe's script makes a legitimate effort to give us a Ferengi episode that isn't played principally for laughs. It starts out with weak comedy, but by the midpoint it has firmly transitioned to a serious episode that happens to be about Ferengi.

Unfortunately, weak drama isn't particularly preferable to weak comedy. Armin Shimerman, Max Grodenchik, and Andrea Martin are all very good, and they do their best to breathe life into this story. But a few clever side bits notwithstanding, the script alternates between cliched family dynamics and a message of Equality Between the Sexes that seems out of date for the mid-1990's. It's predictable, slow-paced, and more than a little dull - and it ends too easily, with a pat ending.


Overall Rating: 3/10

Previous Episode: Explorers
Next Episode: Shakaar

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3-16. Prophet Motive.

Quark and Rom are appalled by the
Nagus (Wallace Shawn)'s latest scheme.

THE PLOT

Grand Nagus Zek (Wallace Shawn) returns to Deep Space 9, moving into Quark's quarters to complete his great work: Revising the Ferengi Rules of Acquisition! Quark is literally atremble with anticipation to benefit from the Nagus' wisdom. Which makes it all the more shocking when he opens the book to read the first rule and discovers the following sentence:

"Rule #1: If they want their money back... Give it to them!"

The Nagus has become a philanthropist. He is setting up a Ferengi Benevolent Association, with Quark and Rom to act as co-chairs. As Zek determines to "move beyond greed" and focus on helping the needy, Quark decides that something must be horribly wrong. His suspicions seem to be confirmed when Zek announces that he will be presenting the Bajoran people with a gift - one of the missing orbs of prophecy!


CHARACTERS

Commander Sisko: Supportive Dr. Bashir's nomination for the prestigious Carrington Award. Otherwise mostly absent in this episode, though Quark does express respect for "the Sisko" when talking with the Prophets near the end.

Quark: When Zek expresses his new philanthropic philosophy, Quark at first believes this must be some part of a larger scheme. As it becomes clear that the Nagus's charity is genuine, Quark decides something must be wrong. He insists on having Bashir check Zek out for illness or mental incapacity. When Zek talks of a "gift" for the Bajorans, Quark investigates further - something which ultimately leads him to the truth. All his business acumen shows itself in his scene with the Prophets as he sizes up their weakness, moving from one "sales pitch" to another until he finds one that actually strikes a chord.

Dr. Bashir: He seems less than pleased at Dax having put his name forward for the Carrington Award. He then assumes a fatalistic posture, insisting that he is too young to have any chance of winning. At the same time, he continues to work on his acceptance speech and is anything but happy when he inevitably loses.

Grand Nagus Zek: Wallace Shawn's third appearance as Zek is the best yet. The contrast between Zek's normal foul-tempered shrewdness and his exuberant joy in most of this episode is striking, and Shawn throws himself into both variants of Zek with abandon. In a way, this is like A Christmas Carol in reverse. Zek has always been a Scrooge, but now is a decent and giving man. Through Quark's intervention, he finds his inner miser again.


THOUGHTS

Rene Auberjonois takes a turn at directing, and does a pretty good job of it. After the last comedy episode directed by a cast member, I was actively dreading this one. But Prophet Motive is a delight. It's all the things comedy Trek episodes usually aren't: fast, clever, consistent with both itself and the larger universe of the show, and - just as a side note - very, very funny.

I love the way the episode turns morality on its head. The script, cannily put together by DS9 stalwarts Ira Steven Behr and Robert Hewitt Wolfe, makes us really root for Quark. Like him, we want to know what has brought about this change in Zek. When Quark finds the answer and travels into the wormhole to set things right, it's a heroic moment. His success is a triumph, and we cheer for the tag as Rom shares a personal secret with Quark.

...But surely we shouldn't? The horrible thing that Quark is setting right is... decency. This changed Zek is setting out to do good in the universe, and he has the resources to do quite a lot of legitimate good. This is what Quark is fighting against. Quark's "Hero Moment" will mean that people who may have been saved will starve, that people who may have had a chance at a decent life will live in squalor. The episode doesn't shy away from this, either. Quark stops Zek just at the point when Zek is about to help a planet that has suffered devastation due to solar flares. And yet we laugh, even cheer, as Quark and Rom carry Zek through the corridors in a bag. Quark is standing for the integrity of venality - and the script makes us culpable, because we want him to succeed and this "new Zek" to fail.

In short, the episode makes us into Ferengi while watching it. And far from burying it for this, I come to praise it.  Making us fully complicit in Quark's stand for greed and selfishness?  That's this episode's greatest triumph.


Overall Rating: 8/10

Previous Episode: Destiny

Next Episode: Visionary

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