5-20. Ferengi Love Songs.

Quark's mother, in love with the Grand Nagus.

THE PLOT

With his bar closed due to a vole infestation, Quark falls into a deep depression. At Rom's urging, he returns home to Ferenginar, much to the dismay of his mother, Ishka (Cecily Adams, taking over for Andrea Martin). He has barely arrived before he discovers someone lurking in his closet: Grand Naguz Zek (Wallace Shawn), who is in a secret relationship with Ishka.

Quark senses an opportunity to use the relationship to have his FCA license restored. When the Nagus refuses, however, Quark falls under the venomous sway of Liquidator Brunt (Jeffrey Combs). Brunt promises to issue a new business license if Quark sabotages the relationship between Zek and Ishka. It's a despicable act, one Quark is all too happy to commit - until he realizes that Zek is slipping into senility, and that it is actually his mother's advice that is enabling the Nagus to hold the Ferengi government together.

Meanwhile, Rom and Leeta announce their marriage. Rom agrees to a traditional Bajoran ceremony. But when some ill-advised words from Chief O'Brien lead him to think that Leeta should agree to some Ferengi marital traditions as well, he picks the wrong one: a prenuptial agreement that would deny her the right to hold any property whatever. When Rom insists, Leeta announces that the wedding is off!


CHARACTERS

Capt. Sisko: Just to add insult to the injury that is this terrible episode, we get a quick aside in which Sisko is mediating between Worf and Odo. The issue at hand involves Klingon General Martok's difficulties adjusting to life on Deep Space 9. It's a fun little scene, well-performed by all three - and enormously frustrating, because that would have been a much better plot than either of the ones actually follows.

Quark: We discover here that he's actually miserable in the wake of the FCA blacklisting and hates his life... Which would ring far truer if he hadn't seemed emotionally fine in every other episode this season. Quark is horrified to admit that he has any sort of conscience, despite many previous episode showing him doing decent things in full awareness of what he's doing. But then, this isn't the real Quark, this isn't the Quark who stood up to Sisko for his people being better than humans or the Quark who wrestled with a hard-fought internal battle between profit and saving innocent lives just two episodes ago. No, this is Quark as caricature, reduced to a joke character to further some bad comedy. Armin Shimerman does his best, as always, but there's just no saving the material.

Grand Nagus: While I was never a big fan of Zek in previous episodes, there at least was a bit of an edge to him. He was genuinely shrewd and manipulative, which kept him from being an entirely "safe" comedy character. This episode reduces him to exactly that. Giving Zek Ferengi Alzheimer's isn't entirely without merit as a plot turn - but not when that concept is used solely as an excuse for "senile old man" humor, as is the case here. Making matters worse is the portrayal of the love affair between Zek and Ishka, with the two cooing at each other in a manner that's not simply undignified, but leaves both characters downright infantilized. I never looked forward to a Zek appearance before; but now, I suspect I'll be outright dreading future guest spots.


THOUGHTS

After Business As Usual followed in the footsteps of some solid Season Four offerings, showing how enjoyable a Quark-centric episode with a bit of edge and bite can be, Ferengi Love Songs helpfully reminds us just how tedious and soul-sucking a toothless Ferengi "comedy" can be. We revisit Quark's mother, last seen played by Andrea Martin in Season Three's dreary Family Business. The change of actress has not made the character any more endearing, though in fairness to actress Cecily Adams, the problem isn't her - I just find the character to be entirely grating.

The episode really is just two jokes, alternating back and forth: two old Ferengi in love (because old people in love = comedy, particularly when they act like children), and the Nagus slipping into senility (because real life senility is such comedy gold). The "B" plot is actually even worse, with Rom attempting to push Leeta into being a proper Ferengi wife... which predictable results, only to reach a predictable conclusion.

The ever-reliable Jeffrey Combs manages to inject a few chuckles into his too-brief appearances as Brunt. Even Brunt manages to be entirely neutered by this episode, though, reduced to hiding in Quark's closet while practicing his evil laugh. The end of the episode has Quark treating his threats as a joke.  What a way to treat the first and only genuinely menacing Ferengi in all of Star Trek: de-clawing him for the sake of a few cheap (and unfunny) gags.

All told, I would rank Ferengi Love Songs as the worst episode of the season. Yes, in my opinion, even worse than Let He Who Is Without Sin... I was reduced to watching this in installments, simply because I could only take ten minutes or so of it at a time, and I will be very happy to never go anywhere near this episode, ever again.


Overall Rating: 1/10.

Previous Episode: Ties of Blood and Water
Next Episode: Soldiers of the Empire

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5-16. Doctor Bashir, I Presume.

Dr. Bashir is less than pleased by a reunion with his parents.

THE PLOT

Dr. Bashir receives a visitor: Dr. Lewis Zimmerman (Robert Picardo), the man who created the Emergency Medical Hologram (in his own image, of course). Zimmerman's new project is to create a Long-Term Medical Hologram (LMH), to act as the doctor on assignments where assigning living medical staff would be impractical. Dr. Bashir's record has captured the attention of Starfleet, and he has been chosen as the template for this new program.

In order to make the holographic Bashir as human as possible, Zimmerman conducts a series of interviews with everyone who knows him. When Bashir requests that he not interview his parents, as they are "not close," Zimmerman says he understands - and then makes contacting them into a priority. Soon, Richard Bashir (Brian George) and his wife Amasha (Fadwa El Guindi) have come to the station, much to Bashir's annoyance.

More than simple family drama makes him reluctant to include his parents. The Bashir family has a secret: Genetic engineering, that transformed young Julian from a slow and uncoordinated child into a prodigy. This is against Starfleet law. If it's discovered, the older Bashirs will face a prison term - and Julian, the end of his Starfleet career!


CHARACTERS

Capt. Sisko: Though he can see the strain between Bashir and his parents, he doesn't pursue it, obviously considering it the doctor's own business. When he does learn Bashir's secret, he pulls the needed strings to strike a deal to save Bashir's career. 

Dr. Bashir: This episode doesn't so much fill in Bashir's background as upend everything we thought we knew about him. In a way, it makes sense: Bashir is too good at everything. He's a brilliant doctor, he's an athlete, he's a quick-thinker in situations dealing with espionage or escape. Heck, he even was able to carry back a generator single-handed after getting caught in a Klingon ambush. I almost wonder if the writing staff didn't look at how improbably capable he was and decide that, if they were going to tell a story dealing with genetic engineering, figured it would explain a few things. Alexander Siddig does well with Bashir's anxiety over his secret, and he's convincing in playing his resentment toward his parents, his father in particular.

O'Brien: Has enormous fun with the Bashir hologram, at one point getting a kick out of watching the incomplete program walk into a wall over and over. When Bashir's secret comes out, he is supportive, listening to his friend talk and trying to persuade him that this doesn't diminish his own achievements. "You're not a fraud. I don't care what enhancements your parents may have had done. Genetic recoding can't give you ambition, or a personality, or compassion, or any of the things that make a person truly human." At the end, when he recognizes that Bashir has been letting him win at darts all this time, he insists that his friend play properly - but once he sees what that means, he does insist on a small handicap.

Rom/Leeta: The forming of their relationship via middle school theatrics occupies the "B" plot - unfortunately. I'll grant that the Leeta and Rom characters are childlike enough that it isn't completely unconvincing when they have so much difficulty making their interest plain. But I still don't find it entertaining, and the entire thing sucks up a lot of screentime that could have been put to better use developing Bashir's story. Ah, well: At least they're firmly established as a couple now. I can only hope that the relationship itself is more enjoyable than this was.

Dr. Zimmerman: Voyager's Robert Picardo guest stars, not as the Doctor from that show but as his creator, Lewis Zimmerman. Picardo is a lot of fun, as always. His Zimmerman performance is also very distinct from his holo-doctor, as is made very visible in a scene in which the EMH is activated. Zimmerman is just as arrogant, but without the program's insecurity and with a healthy libido (which allows him to insert himself into the Leeta/Rom subplot). I would have preferred less of Zimmerman chasing after Leeta in favor of perhaps a scene of Zimmerman and Bashir talking after the secret is revealed - but he's a welcome guest star just the same.


THOUGHTS

Doctor Bashir, I Presume is a thoughtful episode, dealing with issues ranging from tension between an adult and his parents to genetic modification. It tackles the Star Trek universe's continuity, with Starfleet's prohibition of genetic modification turned around so that it is one of our regulars who is affected. It changes what we thought we knew about Dr. Bashir, and features good performances across the board. 

I think it says quite a lot for Deep Space 9 that I find this worthy effort to be one of the five weakest episodes of the current season.

My problem with this episode isn't really with what's there, at least not in the "A" plot. The scenes with Bashir and Zimmerman are entertaining, and the idea of creating a long-term holographic doctor makes sense, a way of building on the franchise's introduction of the Emergency Medical Hologram on Voyager. Alexander Siddig gives another fine performance, Colm Meaney provides reliable support as O'Brien once again shows his fundamental human decency, and guest stars Brian George and Fadwa El Guindi make Bashir's parents convincing, flawed but still relateable, human beings.

It feels like something is missing, though. The solution to Bashir's dilemma comes too easily, Sisko basically arranging for it offscreen. More drama could have been made of it, with the guest admiral of the week maybe demanding Bashir's resignation until Sisko is able to convince him otherwise. As it stands, the only price paid comes from a guest character we've never seen before. The actors do their best to sell that as a real consequence, but unless more is done with this down the road, it feels like it comes too easily.

I think one of the main reasons the "A" plot feels incomplete is the presence of the "B" plot. With every other scene cutting back to the Rom/Leeta/Zimmeran triangle, there's barely any time to give Bashir's situation the exploration it needs. The material with Bashir is substantial enough to demand the full episode, and writer Ronald D. Moore certainly is capable of giving it the focus it needs. The "B" plot just plain doesn't allow the time, and the comedy tone of the subplot clashes badly with the rest.

In a season of shows that have regularly ranged from very good to great, this one is merely "okay." The ideas are good, and I have hopes for good things to be done with the revelation about Bashir... but it's very obvious watching how much better an episode this should have been.


Overall Rating: 5/10.

Previous Episode: By Inferno's Light
Next Episode: A Simple Investigation 


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5-7. Let He Who Is Without Sin...

Dax and Worf bicker while on vacation.

THE PLOT

It's vacation time for Worf and Dax. And Dr. Bashir. And Quark. I sure hope the station suffers no tactical, medical, or science emergencies with all these top personnel vacationing at the same time; with even the bartender away, the remaining crew won't even be able to drown their sorrows. 

Despite the vacation, Worf and Dax are having troubles. Worf finds Dax's flippant nature irritating, and seeing her continue to happily interact with former lovers makes him worry that she doesn't take their relationship seriously. Dax feels that Worf is trying to control her, which makes her rebellious streak all the stronger.

When they reach Risa, Dax is reunited with Arandis (Vanessa Williams). When Worf learns that this beautiful Risan hostess is yet another ex-lover, this time of Dax's previous host, he grows even more sour... making him all too receptive to the message of Pascal Fullerton (Monte Markham) and "The New Essentialists," a movement dedicated to returning the Federation to its essential principles. Their first goal? Shut down Risa!


CHARACTERS

Capt. Sisko: Only present for the teaser, but that's plenty of time for the writers to have him behave out-of-character. In that scene, we see Sisko show an abnormal level of interest in station gossip, then earn the ire of Worf when he mentions having had good times on Risa with Dax. Worf's flash of jealousy would be something the real Sisko would either laugh at or promptly stamp out, but this weak and gossipy Sisko just stands there... Acting as something of a harbinger for the rest of the episode's problems.

Worf: Worf always had a tendency toward self-righteousness, but he was never as absolutely humorless as presented here. His behavior toward Dax is consistently judgmental and unstrusting, to such a degree that one could be forgiven for thinking that he's trying to push Dax into breaking up with him. There's a big speech (TM) meant to explain all of Worf's repression. Despite Michael Dorn acting the heck out of the monologue, it plays as shallow and obvious, nor does it excuse behavior that frankly should have Worf facing serious charges when he gets back to the station.

Dax: Though she comes off better than Worf (no surprise), how can she be surprised that Worf doesn't want to have a good time on Risa? The opening scene specifically tells us that it's not where he wants to go, and that she badgered him into it! Yes, his behavior is appalling - but I'd be a lot more sympathetic to Dax if she hadn't pushed him into going someplace he specifically didn't want to be. She does show her more thoughtful side in the second half, helping Arandis clean up the Essentialists' mess and reflecting on the reasons she wants Worf. But while her character isn't actively sabotaged the way Worf's is, she's still had far better showings, as recently as the previous episode.

Dr. Bashir/Quark/Leeta: This supporting trio actually manages to salvage a few small moments. Quark arrives at Risa brandishing horga'hns (the Risan "Me Want Sex" symbol) and generally throwing himself into having an obnoxious good time. Bashir and Leeta show enthusiasm from their first scene, having fun with their vacation as they make the dissolution of their relationship official in the most amicable way possible. The punchline to the subplot, with Leeta shocking both men by telling them she's leaving Bashir for Rom, is the one genuine laugh-out-loud moment in the entire episode, with a perfect button put on the moment by Quark handing Bashir ahorga'hn and saying, "You need this more than I do."

Hot Space Babe of the Week: Vanessa Williams was at the height of her beauty in the mid-1990's, so it is fair to say that the episode easily fills its "Space Babe" quota with her on-hand. Williams, a decent if limited actress, does well with what she's given, but her character is basically a sexualized saint, which means that she's never as interesting as her past relationship with Dax should allow.


THOUGHTS

Worf is a good character, well-played by Michael Dorn and consistently engaging on-screen. Dax is also a good character, played by a winning young actress who has terrific comic timing. The two actors have screen chemistry, and their friendship, then relationship has unfolded in previous episodes in a way that's been more consistently entertaining than any other attempts at Trek romances between regulars that I can think of.

So, faced with two popular characters who have been written into a relationship that actually works, Let He Who Is Without Sin... takes up the challenge of making both these characters and their relationship dull and unappealing. A daunting task, but two of the series' best writers are on hand to make it happen. Yes, this was written by Ira Steven Behr and Robert Hewitt Wolfe, because it takes top-notch Trek writers to concoct a Star Trek episode as bad as this one!

Behr and Wolfe seem determined to make the Worf/Dax relationship issues as strained and tedious as possible. But as if sensing that this isn't enough to make this episode anything more than forgettably mediocre, they bring in an external villain: Pascal Fullerton and his gang of Essentialists, whose plan to return the Federation to its core values is centered around... er, making a lot of speeches on the Federation's vacation planet. I could draw a Tea Party analogy, but for it to work the Tea Party would have to limit its activities solely to unbroadcast rallies held on Disneyland's Main Street.

With the Essentialists on hand, the second half manages to be even worse than the first half. Worf sides with the Essentialists and encourages them to commit a crime - with little, if any, indication that they would ever have done so without Worf's encouragement. But that's okay, because Worf has a heart-to-heart with Jadzia and then changes sides, stopping the Essentialists from continuing the crime that Worf started. Naturally, no one mentions that they were just a bunch of harmless crackpots until Worf came along to make them dangerous, nor are we led to expect any consequences.

In any case, three Trek spinoffs had Risa episodes: TNG with Captain's Holiday, DS9 with this episode, and Enterprise with Two Days and Two Nights. Given that Enterprise's Risa episode was the best of this uninspired bunch (and that even Two Days and Two Nights was only marginally above-average for Enterprise's underwhelming first season), I'm hopeful that this is the last Risa episode I'll ever have to review.


Overall Rating: 2/10.

Previous Episode: Trials and Tribble-ations
Next Episode: Things Past 


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4-16. Bar Association.

Liquidator Brunt (Jeffrey Combs) of
the Ferengi Commerce Authority.

THE PLOT

It's the Bajoran Time of Cleansing, a month-long period in which the Bajorans abstain from worldly pleasures... which puts a severe dent in the business at Quark's bar. Seeing his profit margin slipping, Quark decides to make up the difference in time-honored Ferengi fashion: By exploiting his employees. He gathers his workers and announces that he is going to cut their pay by a third, snapping at Rom when he dares to protest.

An offhand comment by Dr. Bashir leads Rom to consider a drastic means of retaliation. He holds an employee meeting and calls on them to create a union and go on strike. But Ferengi law does not smile on labor unions, and it isn't long before the dreaded Ferengi Commerce Authority turns its gaze toward this dispute. Quark's old adversary, Liquidator Brunt (Jeffrey Combs), arrives with a promise to end the strike - "by any means necessary!"


CHARACTERS

Capt. Sisko: When the strike begins to cause disruption among his officers, he sits down with Quark to push the Ferengi to settle the situation. Quark balks, so Sisko shifts gears and intimidates him instead. He threatens to hold Quark accountable for five years' worth of back rent, power, and maintenance unless the Ferengi sits down with his brother to hammer out an agreement.

Quark: The first half of the episode shows him at his most grasping, and his treatment of Rom is outright cruel. Quark never considers trying to deal with Rom's strike with violence, however. Once Brunt and the FCA become involved, Quark instantly worries about Rom. He begs Rom to give in before he gets hurt, and is clearly uncomfortable when Brunt begins musing about "sending a message." In the end, Quark is able to solve the problem he helped create by using his Ferengi ingenuity.

Worf: Continues to find life on Deep Space 9 "unsettling." When he catches a thief stealing from his quarters, he confronts Odo about the lax security on the station. Things like this, he says, never happened on the Enterprise - which hilariously prompts Odo to read from a datapad a few of the Enterprise's highlights during the time Worf was in charge of security. Worf resolves his issues, at least for now, by moving his quarters to the Defiant. Meanwhile, his flirtation with Dax continues to grow, as the writers wisely build on the chemistry Michael Dorn and Terry Farrell have demonstrated in previous episodes. 

O'Brien: Gets a terrific little scene in which he responds to Rom's plan to form a union with enthusiasm. He recalls an ancestor who led a coal miner's strike in Pennsylvania. All the workers' demands were met - but O'Brien's ancestor didn't live to see it happen. The scene is still funny, particularly Rom's reaction to hearing about the union leader's fate, but it also has a bit of added texture that the rest of the episode lacks.

Rom: Season Four has been very good to Rom. He already worked as a sparring partner for Quark, but he has steadily emerged as a strong character in his own right. The show has gradually demonstrated since Season Two how strong Rom's technical skills are, and his Season Three appearances started to show that he was a lot smarter than his brother gives him credit for. In this episode, he finally stands up to Quark and shows genuine courage and leadership skills.

Leeta: Moves from a background character to a significant supporting role, acting as Rom's second once he forms the union. She admits to being surprised by Rom's courage, but she is entirely supportive of him throughout the show. Chase Masterson is appealing, and plays so well opposite Max Grodenchik that I wouldn't mind seeing this relationship developed further.


THOUGHTS

Last week, I reviewed False Profits, a Voyager episode centered around the Ferengi. This week, I find myself reviewing a Ferengi episode of DS9 - and the difference is stark, and really points to the difference between the two shows. False Profits saw two Ferengi guest characters behaving like pretty typical, one-dimensional Ferengi. Some of the gags were funny, some weren't, but with everything played for laughs there was no real added dimension to carry the show through the jokes that misfired.

Bar Association seems on the surface to be a typical Ferengi comedy. Quark is at his most greedy and selfish, and even Rom initially struggles to get the word "union" past his throat even as he forms one. But there's added depth here, and that goes beyond the regulars. Quark and Rom are established characters who have depth, but even the Ferengi guest characters show more dimensions than Voyager's guest Ferengi in the other show. One of the Ferengi employees reacts to the FCA's arrival by falling to his knees and begging for mercy - but the other Ferengi do not. Meanwhile, Brunt in this episode may be the first Ferengi to actually succeed in being sinister, as he plots violence in a matter-of-fact manner, all the while keeping a crafty grin on his face. Instead of one, monolithic personality for all Ferengi, each speaking Ferengi has his own persona.

The "B" plot with Worf also works well. Writers Ira Steven Behr and Robert Hewitt Wolfe build on issues Worf has had in previous episodes, principally his problems with being constantly surrounded by disorder. When Dax tells him that he will have to adjust eventually, Worf replies with strength: "Maybe it is all of you who will have to adjust to me." Even so, Worf gets a deserved smackdown from Odo when he tries to claim that Deep Space 9's security is more lax than Enterprise's. Like all the characters, the Klingon has his strengths and also his weaknesses.

This wasn't an episode I was looking forward to - but all in all, it was surprisingly entertaining. As with almost any Ferengi comedy, not all of the gags work. But with the character depth and the building character relationships, there is plenty of genuine interest to keep the episode going even when a joke falls flat - and the raising of the stakes, with Brunt and his Naussicans presenting a genuine threat in the latter half, keeps momentum building instead of letting it lie flat as so many "comedy episodes" do. 


Overall Rating: 7/10

Previous Episode: Sons of Mogh
Next Episode: Accession


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